


peripheral

by Acosmiclove



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: Jedi: Fallen Order (Video Game), Star Wars: Rebellion Era - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Blood and Violence, Denial of Feelings, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Constipation, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Smut, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Mutual Pining, Past Torture, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychometry, Slow Burn, Touch-Starved
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-11
Updated: 2020-10-11
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:35:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26959675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Acosmiclove/pseuds/Acosmiclove
Summary: A year after the destruction of Eno Cordova’s holocron, Cal Kestis struggles with his sense of purpose as well as his psychometric ability. What is meant to be a simple port call on Nar Shaddaa quickly becomes a nightmare and sets into motion a journey Cal could never have anticipated.
Relationships: Cal Kestis & Trilla Suduri | Second Sister, Cal Kestis/Trilla Suduri | Second Sister
Comments: 10
Kudos: 49





	peripheral

**Author's Note:**

> I’m going for a slow burn here, so hold onto your butts.
> 
> This first chapter is pretty much just Cal Kestis angst. Oops?

Cal Kestis listened grimly to Mari Kosan as she gave her update on the state of the resistance effort on Kashyyyk. More Wookiees than ever before had been stolen from their home world to become slaves to the Empire. Mari’s partisans and Tarfful’s freedom fighters were scattered amongst the trees, fruitlessly fighting a losing battle. Cal glanced over at Cere Junda, who shook her head somberly at the detailed reports of death and destruction. Before he could say anything to Mari’s requests for aid, Cere cut in, “Mari, I’m sorry, but you’ll understand why we can’t do any more for your partisans at this time...”

Mari’s holographic shoulders visibly slumped, “Of course. May I ask that if you have any other rebel contacts, that you let them know of Kashyyyk’s plight?”

“We can do that.” Cere’s tone was amenable and sympathetic. Cal recognized it was simply a ruse to put Mari at ease. “Hopefully there will be a time we can do more for your cause and ultimately a day that Kashyyyk is free once more.”

“Yes. We all have that hope.” Mari turned to Cal, “May the Force be with you all.”

The transmission blinked out. “That may be the last we hear from her.” Cere said wearily.

“Yeah.” Cal didn’t know why the thought affected him so much - since he was well accustomed to death, but he found his throat closing with emotion all the same. Maybe someday, after he’d lost enough people, he’d finally break. He wasn’t looking forward to it.

“Gerrara should have gone back and pulled them out months ago.”

Cal called up the star chart of the local system, “Saw doesn’t seem the forgiving type. They were probably on their own the moment they defied him.”

Cere sighed in disgust, “He’s as dangerous as the Empire to the people looking for a resistance to join.”

“What resistance?” The chart turned as he idly searched through the system, “We’ve only heard rumors of an organized group. Saw’s partisans were the closest thing to a rebellion we’ve come across.”

“I know you’re frustrated—“

“Then give me some advice!” Cal snapped as he turned to face her, “Right now, we’re drifting from system to system looking for ghosts! Actually...” He laughed sharply without amusement, “...it’s more like _whispers_ of ghosts.”

Cere frowned and set her hands on her hips, “Cal, there is no precedent for what the galaxy is experiencing. We can only be patient and continue to look for our greater purpose.”

Cal wanted to lash out at her again. He wanted to tell her he was starting to believe there was no ‘greater purpose’. It was a lie they told themselves to keep them motivated. He willed his anger to dissipate and looked back over the nav table, at all it’s planets and moons. A hollow feeling replaced the fire inside him. “It’s hard not to feel like it’s all for nothing.”

They’d been at this for months. Chasing leads of rebel activity, only to find them false or over exaggerated. Cal was beginning to think they were all merely delusions of hope conjured by desperate people. Fables told to ease children’s minds and make them think a better future may be waiting for them beyond the grip of the Empire. He’d lived with that hope for five years on Bracca. Now that he actively sought it out, it only seemed to be making a fool of him. He’d done more for the galaxy in those short weeks searching for Cordova’s holocron than he had in the past year. Sure, they’d come upon people in need and done their best to be a help, but it always felt like it was in vain. “I understand how you’re feeling.” Cere rested a hand on his shoulder. His jaw clenched at the contact. He desperately attempted to silence the background noise her touch channeled violently into his mind. Cere’s voice was quiet, so that Merrin and Greez did not overhear, “Are you okay?”

 _No_. Cal wanted to scream it. Over and over. He doesn’t. “Yeah. I’m just... tired.”

Cere isn’t convinced, but he knew she wouldn’t be. “Try meditating on what you’re feeling. Or talk to one of us. Just...” She slid her hand from his shoulder, “...just don’t bottle it up, okay?”

“I’ll try.” The cacophony of voices fall abruptly silent. Cal felt his body relax as she stepped away towards the aft of the ship. He heard Merrin greet her from the galley. He took a steadying breath. The star chart sparkled before him. One heavenly body was in prominent view. Nar Shaddaa. The Smuggler’s Moon. A polluted city world controlled by the Hutt Clan. This was their current destination. The nav table blinked off as he stepped around it and into the cockpit. A bolo ball game could be heard over the comms. Cal realized Greez was asleep in his chair, a set of arms cradled behind his head. He smirked at the dozing Latero and settled into the co-pilot’s seat. He opened the ship’s log and idly scrolled through the dozens of coordinates they’d visited in the last months. A set of numbers near the bottom of the archive gave him pause. They beamed at him like a flare amongst all the others. Cal checked the date of the entry to get an idea of what location the coordinates identified.

 _Nur_.

Cal suddenly felt like he was drowning all over again. He doesn’t know why the Force compelled him to see this, but he doesn’t care. Too quickly he rose from his chair and it swiveled around and smacked the bulkhead. Greez snorted and jolted awake at the sharp noise, “Ah, wha...?” He blinked at Cal, who stood awkwardly beside him, “Oh, hey kid. What’s up?”

“Nothing. Sorry I woke you.”

“Ehhh, it’s fine.” Greez leaned over the controls in front of him, “Looks like we’ll be coming up on Nar Shaddaa soon anyway.”

Cal debated taking Cere’s advice of trying meditation, but what he really wanted was a distraction, not introspection. He sat back down in his seat, “Have you been to Nar Shaddaa before, Greez?”

The Latero laughed heartily, “Many times, kid! It’s a paradise of illicit activities and oh...the things you can gamble on! It’s got it’s cons, believe me, but you truly can’t find a more exciting place to disregard Imperial regulations.”

Cal raised a brow, “You’re looking to gamble while we’re planet side?”

Greez coughed in indignation, “Absolutely not!”

After a time, a comfortable silence stretched between them. The hyperdrive whined down, signaling their imminent drop out of hyperspace. “Get seated, people!” Greez called over the intercom. A short time later, Cere and Merrin had joined them in the cockpit. With a subtle shake, the _Mantis’s_ viewport transformed from a star streaked canvas to an inky black expanse with a large moon as it’s crowning set piece. “Ahh, would you just look at her!”

“It’s not as red as Dathomir, but it shines like a jewel!” Merrin awed.

Greez chuckled, “That’s a nice way of describing this polluted ball of endless city.”

Cere piped up, “This is what Coruscant would look like if it didn’t have atmospheric regulators.”

“Those things? Bah, they don’t really work aside from clearing out the awful color. The Federal District though? They must have installed some quality filters because I swear the air always tasted better there.” Greez swiveled in his chair, “You both got to live there for years! How _privileged_.”

Cal held up his hands in placation, “Hey, the day I could leave the Temple, I got whisked away to war. Didn’t get to enjoy much of the city.”

“I was usually off world after being knighted.” Cere pulled off her headset, “I came back occasionally until I was ready to take a padawan.”

Cal stiffened reflexively. He barely heard Greez continue to insist that the Jedi lived comfy lives on Coruscant and Cere’s forced admission that he was right. He saw memories not his own flash behind his eyes. They burned his throat and took his breath. Cal touched his chest unconsciously. Green sparkled out of the corner of his eye, “Cal, what’s wrong?” Merrin drawled softly at his side.

“Ngh... It’s nothing.” He rasped out. He certainly didn’t sound fine to his own ears.

His three crew mates were not swayed by his weak assurance. They exchanged knowing glances between each other and Cal got the distinct feeling he’d been discussed behind his back. More than once. “Look kid, we’ve noticed you’re... well, you’ve been different lately.” Greez said as tactfully as he could.

“He’s trying to say that you seem disturbed.” Merrin droned bluntly.

“No, that’s not what he’s saying.” Cere gave the Nightsister a pointed look. “We are just worried—”

With little warning beyond a deep sense of dread, a scream, all too familiar to him pierced his mind. Cal felt his stomach turn violently. He stood in a hurry and practically sprinted toward the aft of the ship. BD-1, who had been powered down at the lounge, sprung to life as Cal stumbled past. “Bee doop?” Cal barely made it to the fresher. He threw himself over the toilet. “Brww...” The droid lamented as it observed Cal hacking up his most recent meal.

After, feeling empty in more ways that one, he rinsed his mouth and splashed water over his face. Rivulets clung to his hair and dripped occasionally, cool against his flush skin. When Cere eventually came around, she found him sitting on the floor, leaning against the fresher wall. “Oh, Cal...” She sighed at the sight of him.

Cal closed his eyes and croaked out, “Did you know that Master Yoda said my psychometry was dangerous?”

He heard Cere enter and lean against the counter across from him. “No.”

A ragged, desperate laugh tumbled from his lips, “Yeah, dangerous to _me_. He said if I didn’t learn to control it, it would control me.” He lifted a gloved hand before him to stare bitterly at it, “That’s why Jaro Tapal was my master. They thought he was disciplined enough to help me temper my ability even though he didn’t have it himself...” A lone tear tracked unbidden down his cheek, “But we never really got past the basics.”

“It’s not your fault.”

Cal sucked in a stuttered breath, “Yeah, yeah I know... but it doesn’t change anything. I feel everything... all of it... all the memories and pain. And the voices...”

Cere kneeled down to his level, “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

“I- I didn’t want to pressure you. You were only just reconnecting with the Force.” It was mostly the truth. The whole truth was that he didn’t want to tell her exactly what had sparked the loss of control over his psychometry.

“So you’ve been sharing headspace with all the echoes you’ve touched? For how long?”

He can’t meet her eyes, “Nearly a standard cycle...”

“A _year?_ Cal!” Cere smacked the durasteel floor with an open hand in frustration, “Do you realize how irresponsible—??”

“I thought I could handle it!” He scrubbed his face with his hands. “But it’s eating me alive, Cere. I never know what’s going to trigger it. It’s overwhelming...”

Cere sighed, “I want to help you, Cal, but you’re going to have to be honest with me.”

A shiver of cold trepidation settled at the base of his spine, “Alright.”

“This started after the fortress, didn’t it?” Her tone is knowing.

Cal drew his legs up and leaned forward to rest his brow on his knees, his arms folded around his head. It was inevitable that she would start making connections, but he wasn’t ready for it. “Yeah.”

“Cal...”

“I don’t want to talk about it, Cere.” His voice is muffled, “I _can’t_.”

The woman breathed deeply and exhaled, “Alright. You don’t have to tell me anything, but I do want you to start a mental exercise that might help you.” He nodded against his knees. She shifted into a cross-legged position in front of him. “Come on, join me.”

Cal unfolded his limbs and refolded them to mirror her. He wiped at his damp cheeks with back of his hand. “What do I need to do?”

Cere closed her eyes, Cal did the same. “Breath deep. With each inhale, imagine you’re lifting a block, and when you exhale, imagine you are setting itdown.” She exhaled slowly, “You are building a wall. A wall that will keep the core of you safe from the intrusion of others.”

“Won’t this make it harder to use my psychometry?”

“Maybe, but it should also mitigate any harsh reactions you have to what triggers these episodes.”

Cal did as she said. He faced the dark cavern in his mind where every unwelcome echo lived. The first brick is raised and set. And then the second and the third... A while later, and he can already feel the dread that had lived in the pit of his stomach for months, dissipating. His head felt more like his own again. “I think it’s working.”

“Good. Continue with this exercise and do not neglect it just because you think you’re doing better.” Cere rose from the floor and rolled her shoulders back, “A reason for your sensitivity might partly have had to do with you reconnecting with the Force so quickly after you left Bracca.”

That made some sense. Though, they both knew it wasn’t the entire story. Cal stood and let Cere leave the room first before following her back into the common area. BD-1 booped excitedly and scrambled off the couch to leap onto Cal’s shoulder. He managed a soft laugh at the droid’s enthusiasm. “You had us worried, kid!” Greez smiled thinly, “You alright now?”

“Yeah, I think so.” Cal noticed Merrin give him a small smile, but she stayed seated at the lounge. Cal could remember a time when she would have embraced him, but those days had quickly waned with Cal’s growing sensitivity to touch. He’d delicately managed to tell her he wasn’t comfortable with it, and she’d gracefully accepted that. Still, he felt a twinge of guilt. The young nightsister had been alone for so long, as he had... and she clearly yearned for some physical interaction to make up for that lost time. He just couldn’t be the one to give that to her.

“We landed while you guys were talking in the uh... the fresher, so uh, whenever you’re ready.” Greez strolled to the door and pressed the control panel. The boarding ramp opened with a hiss and lowered to the tarmac. A waft of outside air blew in.

“Force, that smell!” Cere pinched her nose, “Is that normal?”

Greez gave a full bellied laugh, “Of course! It’s Nar Shaddaa!”

“ _Lovely_.”

—

Cal was hyperaware of Merrin’s hovering. He felt her eyes burning on his back. She was obviously still concerned for him. They all were. Greez and Cere had insisted he bring Merrin along when they went their separate ways. The older two were going to seek out a cantina and hopefully catch wind of any interesting leads while Cal tried to locate a particular address a sector below the main level. “Who are we looking for?” Merrin gazed wondrously up at the tall spires and stacks of the city. “How will we find them among... such _noise_?”

He’d forgotten that Merrin was still becoming accustomed to worlds such as this one. Crowded, loud, bright cityscapes were a far cry from anything she’d grown up with on the desolate red cliffs and plateaus of Dathomir. “A friend. His name’s Tabbers. He said if I ever needed a favor, I could find him here.” He showed her the location on his datapad. “We’re in the right area. BD-1, can you input this and take us there?” The little droid scanned the datapad and then hopped off Cal’s shoulder, scampering away across a skywalk with a confident ‘Beep doo!’

They followed the droid a shorter distance than Cal had expected. The apartment door they found themselves in front of was rusted and looked like it had suffered several blaster bolts to it’s surface. “Your friend lives here?” Merrin swiped at the carbon scoring with a pale finger and raised a thin brow. “Is he... a _troubled_ individual?”

“Ah, well.” Cal rubbed at the back of his neck, “He had some problems back on Bracca. I helped him out. That’s why he owes me a favor...”

“He sounds interesting.” She said, dry amusement in her tone.

Cal rapped on the door. Nothing. He tried again. Nothing. He was about to try for a third time when the door abruptly hissed open. A tall Chiss man stood before them. He held a blaster. “Hey, Tabbers!” Cal said as good-natured as one could while staring down the barrel of a weapon.

The Chiss frowned heavily at him before his red eyes widened in recognition. The thin set of his mouth widened into a grin, “Cal Kestis!? It has been a long time!”

“Yeah, it really has!”

“What brings you to my door?” Tabbers lowered his blaster. 

Cal spoke a bit sheepishly, “So, remember what you said before you left the scrapyards...?

Tabbers nodded with a serious countenance, “Yes, yes of course. Why don’t you and your friend step inside and we shall talk.”

Cal felt for the weight of his saber clipped at his belt beneath his poncho. Even though he and Tabbers had gotten along on Bracca, it was like the Chiss had said, it had been years since they’d seen each other. He couldn’t confidently say he knew the man before him today. The apartment was small. Maybe three rooms. It was sparsely decorated, but Cal thought he recognized some of the trinkets Tabbers had had with him back on Bracca. “This is nicer than our quarters in the yards.”

“Ha! Yes, it is. Please, sit.” Tabbers motioned them to a couch, “Would you care for a drink?”

“I would not care.” Merrin intoned passively as she sat beside Cal, being sure not to infringe on his space.

Tabbers’s brow knitted at her wording and Cal laughed it off, “We’re fine, thanks.” The man shrugged and poured himself a glass of something strong looking. Cal couldn’t remember him being much of a drinker - one of reasons he’d trusted him in the scrapyard. He’d always been lucid and responsible. At least on the job. His credit spending was another story. “How’s life on the Smuggler’s Moon?”

“Oh, it’s ah... It’s well enough.” Tabbers sipped at his glass, “It’s got it’s charms. Just a bit—“

“Dangerous?” Merrin cut in.

Tabbers chuckled. Nervously. “Yes! Yes, you might say that.”

Cal noticed Tabbers was still holding his blaster. “Are you in trouble?”

The Chiss stared across the room, towards the front door. “I work for Grakkus the Hutt.” As if that was enough of an answer.

The Hutts were a notorious slug race that Cal had heard nothing but warnings about throughout his life. They controlled most of this system. It was likely that a sizable portion of Nar Shaddaa’s populace was involved with the crime lords. Still, Cal sensed there was more to Tabber’s disquieted aura in the Force. “What does that mean for you?”

Tabbers’s expression hardened and his tone was foreboding. “It means it’s hard to repay favors to old friends.”

Merrin stiffened beside him and Cal could feel the Force gathering around her. It was like a cold breath across his skin as her focus sharpened. “You mean to harm us?”

It wasn’t like he was much of a threat. One blaster against a Jedi and a Nightsister? “Tabbs, just tell us what’s going on. Maybe we can help you?” Cal moved to stand, but the Chiss raised his weapon in response. Cal narrowed his eyes, “Please, don’t make us fight you. You don’t want to, trust me.”

“You don’t understand, Cal.” The blaster shook in Tabber’s grip, “I know what you are! You should not have come here!”

“Whatever amount the bounty is, you know the Empire would never honor it.” Cal tried to reason with him. Tabbers had always had a problem with money. It was part of the reason he owed Cal a favor in the first place.

“Ha! You think I care about what the Empire can give me?” Tabbers laughed manically, his red eyes flaring. He shook his head, “I will earn a prize worth far more than credits if I bring you in to Grakkus!”

 _‘I wagered one meaningless padawan against a prize that will win me the Emperor’s favor!’_ The words echoed in Cal’s head suddenly and loudly. It was like the mental wall he’d carefully constructed earlier wasn’t even there anymore. It had been completely dissolved in the blink of an eye. Cal winced and his shoulders curled forward as he tried his best to quiet his mind. Merrin chose that moment to stand and brandish her magic. “I would like to see you try.” He heard her say darkly. Her emerald spells swirled and snapped in the air.

Cal felt the phantom pain of an injury he’d never received ripple through him. And then, he felt nothing at all. 

—

He opened his eyes to complete darkness. Complete silence. “Merrin?” His voice is muted and swallowed in the dark. It doesn’t carry at all. “BD-1?” Nothing. Absolutely nothing. It was then that he realized he couldn’t feel the Force. It was nonexistent. He attempted to reach out blindly for it and instantly regretted it. Electrical pulses shot through a device at his neck and had him doubling over in agony. _No_ _, no, no, no..._ Panic gripped him _._ _This collar is suppressing my connection to the Force... and punishing me when I try to use it...?_ Even though he knew it wouldn’t be there, he reached for his lightsaber. No dice. He’d been stripped of all his tools. Cal tried to center himself, but the longer he spent in the darkness, the more disoriented he became. He slowly explored the perimeter of his cell and found nothing but durasteel. There was a seam in one wall, which he figured was for a door. He positioned himself at the wall across from it. His eyes began to feel heavy and they watered inexplicably. Breathing came with difficulty. “Damn it...”

He worried for Merrin and for BD-1. The droid was hardly ever without him.

Time passed far too slowly. Cal had nothing but his thoughts to keep him occupied. Blissfully, his psychometric ability seemed to have been silenced with his connection to the Force. For once, traumatic events not his own didn’t haunt the edges of his consciousness. He could hear himself think without screams and cries ricocheting through him. Though, this did present him with a new discomfort.

The loneliness of his own thoughts.

—

It was cold in his metal prison. Cal tucked his hands against his chest underneath his poncho. Surely, whoever had put him here would come back eventually. He still wasn’t sure what had happened, but he found it hard to believe Merrin had been overpowered by a single man with a blaster. Something else must have transpired. His head and shoulders ached with the aftershocks of electrical pulses. He’d unconsciously tried to use the Force again earlier and ended up in the fetal position. He could still taste blood from where he’d accidentally bitten the inside of his cheek. _‘Trust only in the Force.’_ His master’s deep baritone reminded him. It would be easier to do so if he could feel it around him and in him as he had since birth. Without it, he’d never felt so hollow. He tipped his head back to rest against the frigid metal. Exhaustion ate away at him. With no end of his solitude in sight, Cal willed himself to sleep.

_Grass underfoot. A sun warm on his back. The buzz of insects and the occasional avian call. The smell of earth and decomposing detritus. Cal doesn’t know this world. The field he stands in is occupied by a modest hovel. He walks towards it, but it stretches away from him with each step that should be carrying him closer. Distress rises in his throat and he opens his mouth in question, but suddenly there is nothing beneath him and he is falling, falling, mouth open in a silent cry. Inky blackness engulfs him -_

Cal sat up in a panic, just in time for a door to slide open with a hiss across from the wall he was curled against. Bright, sterile lighting streamed in and Cal hissed in shock and pain as he was blinded by it. “Let’s go, Jedi.” Rough hands seized him under his biceps and dragged him out. There was a stinging behind his eyes and white flares swam across his vision as he tried to get a bearing for his surroundings. He tripped up a flight of steps and then was taken through a series of twists and turns. He got the impression he was in some grand complex. By the time he was thrown onto the ground in a large room, his sight had nearly recovered. 

“Ahhh, so young! A prize indeed!” A deep, self satisfied voice bellowed. Cal shifted into a kneeling position and looked up to see a Hutt clacking it’s way towards him - it’s massive body buoyed upon cybernetic legs. He held Cal’s saber before him. “And with such a fine weapon! Expertly crafted and so unique! A fine addition to my collection!” The Hutt waved his arms in a grand sweep of the room.

Cal ached to call his saber to his hand. He stood shakily. “Who are you? Where is my friend?”

“I am Grakkus Jahibakti Tingi! As for your friend - the Nightsister is an honored guest. Her kind have not been seen in many years.” The Hutt sounded pleased, “She will make quite the interesting study.”

Merrin was powerful and cunning. There was no way she’d submit to anyone without a fight. Cal hoped she wasn’t hurt. “And my droid?” He pressed, trying not to betray the depth of his anger.

Grakkus replied, sounding bored. “Being decrypted and scoured for anything of interest.”Cal didn’t like the sound of that. BD-1 contained extremely sensitive data. Some of which Cal was sure the droid itself wasn’t even aware of...

Cal finally took in his surroundings. Stacks of crates, statues, and other artifacts cluttered the large hall. His eyes widened as they landed on a small ship partly covered by a tarp. It was definitely an Aethersprite-class Jedi starfighter. Like the one his master had once flown. He wondered which Jedi it had belonged to. “What is all this?”

The Hutt laughed, “Ah! This collection is my greatest achievement! The last remnants of your grand Jedi Order surround you, boy!”

Cal narrowed his eyes at the oversized slug, “How many temples have you pillaged to get your hands on all this?”

Grakkus’s glee visibly faded, “If I did not acquire these relics for myself, the Empire would surely have destroyed them. Have you not heard of their sacking of the Great Temple on Coruscant? It has been utterly destroyed! So much history and culture, lost to their wanton destruction!”

Cal thought of the gardens, the archives, the room he’d slept in as a youngling... “So you think you have the right to what’s left?”

“If not I, who then, young Jedi?” The Hutt skittered on stilts over to a crate and, to Cal’s shock, pulled out a shimmering blue holocron. “Where are your people now? When will they be wanting all of this returned to them?” His tone was taunting.

Rage flared within him, “You’re a thief, Grakkus!”

“Perhaps, if you persist in thinking about it in such a narrow-minded manner.” The Hutt approached Cal, holding the holocron out to him. It twinkled with it’s mysterious contents, “I prefer to see every item here as an investment in the future and a way of preserving what is already being forgotten by the galaxy at large.”

The truth of his words stung. It was disturbing how easily the Jedi Order had passed into legend in just six short years. But perhaps, even before Order 66, the Jedi had been a mere myth to a large portion of the galaxy. “And what do you want from me?”

“You are to be a crowning jewel in my collection and... I have use for your abilities.” He tapped the holocron, “You will open these treasures for me.”

Cal’s eyes widened. A holocron was no small matter. Anything could be inside them. From a simple message, to an overwhelming compilation of data that could be extremely dangerous in the wrong hands. “I am not going to do anything for you!”

“Of course you will.” The Hutt chuckled, his belly shaking with the action. “Or your friend will suffer for your lack of cooperation. In the meantime, you shall be a guest of my dungeons.”

The tell-tale electric buzz of a stun staff crackled behind Cal and the room promptly spiraled into darkness.

—

When Cal awoke again, he quickly realized he’d not been returned to the oppressive darkness of his previous prison. Light filtered in from a viewport high above him. He was now in a simple square cell. A humming red energy field was the only way in or out. He could see rows of cells beyond it. A deep fatigue had settled over his body from the trauma of being electrocuted. He stood and stretched his aching muscles. His knees and hips popped satisfyingly. A weequay guard strode into view beyond the energy field and gave him a snarky smirk. Cal returned it with a scowl. The guard huffed and continued on his way. Once he could no longer hear any sign of life, Cal called into the empty hall, “Merrin?”Nothing. “Merrin, are you here?” Still, nothing. The young Jedi paced his confined quarters in a futile attempt at distraction. He couldn’t let Grakkus use him. He needed to escape, find Merrin and BD-1, and, if possible, find a way to destroy the ill-gotten artifacts in the Hutt’s possession. It would be an unfortunate loss, but it was surely better to lose it all than to allow a criminal to profit off it. He wondered what Cere would do. What would her advice be? When he’d destroyed Cordova’s holocron, she’d respected his decision, but Cal always got the impression it’s loss had disappointed her. She had not spoken of it even once since the day it’s broken pieces clattered to the tabletop. There were days, as they aimlessly sought out a purpose across the stars, that he could feel unspoken words behind her lips, _‘With the holocron, we would have had a cause to devote ourselves too.’_ Oh, he’d doubted his decision a few times, but never enough to feel remorse. Those children were much safer now that their names and locations were expunged from any physical record. He’d sworn to himself he wouldn’t let the Empire harm them and he’d done his best to fulfill that promise. _‘I thought the same thing once.’_ Cal sighed audibly and pushed his hair back from his face. Even when closed off from the Force, he was still hearing ghosts.

A set of footsteps cut through his thoughts. He was surprised to see who stopped on the other side of the energy field. “Cal.”

“ _Tabbers_.” He doesn’t hide his displeasure. “What do you want?”

The Chiss looked over his shoulder and then, seemingly assured that they were alone, spoke quietly, “I came to find out what favor you wanted of me.”

Cal balked at that, “Are you serious? You just sold me and my friend out! Why would you bother with that now?”

Tabbers straightened and Cal is reminded of how much taller the Chiss is. “Look Cal, I had to do what was necessary to move up in Grakkus’s organization. I don’t expect you to understand, but if I can at least honor our previous agreement...”

“You’re kidding.” Cal scoffed in disbelief.

“Just... humor me.”

Cal clenched his fists and set his jaw. Even without being able to feel Tabbers in the Force, he could see the other man was feeling some amount of guilt. The way he shifted his weight and refused to meet Cal’s eyes was telling enough. “Fine. I wanted you to tell me where your sister is.”

Tabber’s ruby eyes widened in surprise, “What do you want with Vyna?”

When Cal had first met Tabbers in the shelled out wreck of a Separatist flagship they were scrapping, he’d had his older sister with him. She’d been a fiery woman with convictions that got her into constant trouble. In those first years after the Empire came to power, Vyna had tried to stage a rebellion against the Empire amongst the Bracca scrappers. Cal had stayed far away from her cause for fear of being discovered, but he’d admired her tenacity. Vyna’s efforts were ultimately in vain, though she did manage to escape Bracca before the Empire was able to arrest her. Tabbers had been put under intense scrutiny for many months afterwards because of his familial ties to her, but he’d never given them any reason to suspect he was aware of his sister’s whereabouts. Cal had asked him once, and he’d bitterly claimed that Vyna had left him without even a goodbye. Cal had sensed then that he wasn’t telling the entire truth, but hadn’t pressed the topic. He understood all too well the value of secrecy. “Are you going to tell me or not?”

“I haven’t talked to her in over a standard year.” Tabbers confessed. “She went dark on Coruscant, but said something about Dantooine before she cut communication.”

That was more than he’d had to go on in months. “She’s involved with the Rebellion, isn’t she?”

Tabbers rolled his eyes and shrugged. “I don’t know, Cal. Vyna likes to think of herself as a revolutionary, but what good is any of that really going to do against the Empire?”

Cal took a half step forward, “So, she is connected to them?”

“If her fruitless fighting hasn’t caught up with her yet.” It was obvious that it weighed heavy on him, the not knowing if his sister was among the living or not. “This is the longest I’ve gone without hearing from her.”

That confirmed Cal’s suspicion that he had never truly lost contact with Vyna after she left Bracca. “If that’s all you can tell me, then consider us even, I guess.” Cal pointedly looked around his cell, “Not sure it’s been worth it for me, though.”

Tabbers gave a heavy sigh, “Grakkus won’t harm you. He considers you invaluable.”

“Until I’m _not_ valuable anymore.” Cal replied dryly, “Your boss has threatened to hurt my friend if I don’t do what he wants! And my droid is probably in pieces right now!”

“At least you aren't dead. Like most of your kind.” Tabbers sniffed and crossed his arms.

“Wow. Thanks. I definitely needed that reminder.” Cal spat out sarcastically. The reality of being one of the last Jedi weighed heavy on him always. “How did you even manage to capture us?”

Tabbers sighed dramatically, “It was dumb luck, I’d say! That witch was ready to kill me! Fortunately for me, you passed out and fell off my couch! She was so worried about you that it was easy to stun her while she was distracted.” Tabbers frowned and quirked a brow, “Why did you faint like that anyway? You sick or something?”

Guilt was like an icy weight in Cal’s gut. If he hadn’t been so weak... If he’d had more control over his own mind, then none of this would have happened. He didn’t blame Merrin for being concerned, he only hoped she hadn’t come to regret it, wherever she was. “I’m fine.”

“You’re lying, but it’s none of my concern.” Tabbers waved a hand dismissively, “This is where we say our goodbyes, Cal Kestis.”

Cal took in the image of the tall, blue skinned man before him, and found it was hard to recall the image of the skinny young Chiss he’d befriended all those years ago. “Goodbye, Tabbers.”

After he was alone again, Cal sat in meditation. Or, as close to it as possible without tapping into the Force. He didn’t want to risk more agony from the collar locked around his neck. His eyes shut, he concentrated on the constant hum of the energy field before him. His mind calmed and smoothed with the white noise. He breathed in evenly and set his focus beyond himself. He pictured Merrin in his mind’s eyes and even though he couldn’t feel her, he set his intention on her. He wanted her to know he was alright. Another breath and he was seated atop an expanse of dark stone. At the edge of his perception asteroids rolled and drifted. This was where he went to strengthen his connection to the Force. Only now, his perception felt numb and stale. It was like he was a mere visitor - allowed to look, but not touch. Still, it was comforting to see this place, if only for the reassurance that he hadn’t lost it completely. He exhaled and allowed himself to slip into slumber.

_The field is dark. No sounds of life this time. A moon casts a blue hue over the soft grass. A cool breeze cuts through him. Cal wraps his arms around himself and turns to see the hovel once more. Maybe it will be warm inside? He walks towards it. This time, its comes closer with every step and he is soon at it’s door. “Hello?” He presses the controls. It refuses to open. “Is anyone here?” It was freezing now. He’d surely perish in this temperature with prolonged exposure. His saber ignites and he slashes the control panel in a desperate attempt to override the system. The door hisses open. Cal stumbles through the dark doorway._

_Into nothingness_. 

**Author's Note:**

> Grakkus the Hutt and his obsession with all things Jedi comes from the comic ‘Star Wars 9’. I kept his motivations much the same as they seemed in that comic, for some consistency. 
> 
> Tabbers is mentioned in the beginning of JFO as being a friend of Cal’s on Nar Shaddaa who owes him a favor.
> 
> The Caltrilla is coming... 
> 
> Find me at @acosmiclove on twitter!


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